So to backtrack a few weeks, baby arrived safely on 24th March after a slightly harrowing elective Caesarian (I won't put you off your breakfast, but haemorrhage, "swaaaabs!" and the final scene of William Wallace in Braveheart is probably all you need to know...). I thought I'd be straight into the swing of things second time round, like a seasoned National runner returning to Aintree - I knew what to expect this time. I'll be doing the obligatory practice visit avec baby in the first week, then attending meetings in week two... driving week three - it'll ALL be fiiiiine. Eugh... what a berk.
A few years older and with a two-and-a-half year old added to the mix, this was enough to nearly tip me over the edge... and what happened to second babies, especially boys, being easier? This miniature version of my husband on a bad day the morning after an enthusiastic army reunion was giving me hell on a stick. So I'm afraid all my good intentions of running a 'guess the weight' competition, squeezing in another BumpVet blog and generally being a productive BEVA member was almost vacuumed out the window like BA 5390's pilot (Google it - the pilot held onto the window frame for over twenty minutes until the co-pilot could land the aircraft... amazeballs!).
However, I definitely deserve points for effort (or idiocy perhaps)... Last week I merrily decided to attend a meeting with the baby... not my brightest idea but the oxytocin was in full flow and I was convinced that he's ALWAYS so great in the daytime when we're out and about... he loves being in a new environments... oh yeah... wrong! He carried out auditory GBH on the lug holes of everyone in the building for most of the day, particularly in protest of the juicy bits of the meeting which I was really hoping to get stuck into. Having said that he did allow me 5 minutes to eat some sandwiches and chocolate biscuits, so not all bad.
But, note to self... don't take baby where I might want to get something constructive done - just because I've done this bit of mothering before doesn't mean he's done this bit of being a baby before. As a result I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not going to get much done in the next few months - these babies are more time consuming than I remember (perinatal amnesia really is nature's way of getting you to repeat the process). All commitments are on hold. Projects I was sure I'd get "tied up" in the 5 weeks off before baby arrived have not even seen the light of day. My laptop has gathered dust (I'm writing this one-handed on my iPhone at 3am, whilst feeding - currently my sole mode of communication).
I did break the promise to myself by attending a teleconference at the office this week, with the baby latched on throughout... I forgot it was supposed to be a Skype conference, but thankfully the camera wasn't working for most of it and when it was my boob was suitably cropped out of view. There's no way of disguising the unmistakable sound of a baby feeding though...
Do I sound frustrated... probably. Do I long to go to a meeting undisturbed... sort of. Do I feel like I am not delivering on my extra-familial commitments... absolutely. But... I look into those big blue eyes and hear that "kuh kuh kuh" of him feeding and those feelings melt away like those share-size bags of Maltesers that I have taken to disposing of lately.
Work is important and my desire to work has not diminished in the slightest. In fact I feel an increasing need to bring home the proverbial rashers. The nest building instinct is strong and with it an even stronger determination to succeed at my career. If not for me then for my children.
I'm going to make the most of this year off because by billy-o, after that I'll be going at it hammer and tongs as I'm hungry for my family and I want to make this career one that's really worth having. But then there's always the alternative options - I heard Mars is recruiting tasters...
Anyway, thanks all for reading, this is BumpVet signing off... over and out.
Lucy Grieve
Your ability to cope with all things is amazing! Stay sane and enjoy those special times. Work can wait!
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